My Higher Power is John Stamos
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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