So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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