Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
