I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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