She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
