Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I believe in your delicious
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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