I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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