Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
