So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
