I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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