no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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