Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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