I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My dick has a subreddit
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
