Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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