tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
