I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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