Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
