Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
