Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
