dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize