Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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