my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
