I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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