oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
