i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
