U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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