That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
