you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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