ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
