she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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