At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
