i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
