She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
