If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
