my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
