She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
