"it" just moved
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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