idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
