So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
