I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize