You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
