ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
