she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How naked do you want me to be?
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