In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
