8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
