her facebook's as public as her vagina
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
