Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize