A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
