May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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