DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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