Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
