This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
