Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
