Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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