I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
