508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
