I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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