I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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