I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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