so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
