I love black thongs
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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