Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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