the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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