You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
