Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
