I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
