So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
