Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
