so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
