If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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