I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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