I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
