i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
