So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
