addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
