I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
