he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize