I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
