Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
