3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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