porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
